4 Ways to Identify On The Nose Writing (And How to Avoid it)
What is on the nose writing? It refers to elements of the book — like character thoughts, plot points or backstory — being stated in an obvious way. There’s no subtlety or subtext, and instead, the author is stating what the reader may already know or what the reader needs to know without allowing the reader to come to the necessary conclusion themselves.
On the nose and heavy handed writing will almost certainly get on your readers’ nerves. So how can we say what we need to without overdoing it?
Here are 4 top tips. While I do stand by these, it’s important to know that every book is different and will call for different things.
The Perfect Protagonist
Does your protagonist run the risk of being a Mary Sue? What’s a Mary Sue? It’s a character archetype, often a young woman, who is portrayed as being competent across all fields, extremely attractive, extremely well liked, and without flaws or weaknesses.
Kind of unrealistic, right?
A Mary Sue character can easily be avoided by created flawed and realistic characters. Give them strengths and weaknesses, fears and skills, etc.
The Mary Sue can come about in two ways:
When the reader is being told how great the character is rather than shown it. So instead of forming our own opinion of her capabilities, other characters are dishing out validation and praise.
She’s not being challenged or experiencing any level of defeat or growth. No one is perfect at anything first time around. Your protagonist needs to have flaws or weaknesses or things that hold them back from achieving their full potential. If they start off perfect, they’ve got nowhere to go for the rest of their character arc (assuming it’s a positive arc you’re going for).
The info dump
The dreaded info dump. We’ve all heard about these and been warned away from them. The info dump is when backstory or background information is included in a way that interrupts the flow of the narrative. Often this is because it feels unnatural.
Ways info dumps can occur:
In dialogue. It may feel easy to relay information through dialogue and normally I’d agree, but the dialogue needs to feel realistic. Saying “Remember how your parents were killed by that guy and you swore to get revenge” is kind of on the nose. The person probably remembers what they said, so use internal monologue if dialogue is too heavy handed.
Blocky paragraphs of background info. Try to avoid slapping two pages of worldbuilding into the middle of a scene and instead link worldbuilding to what the character is experiencing or learning. Drip feed the worldbuilding and character development throughout the book at points when it’s necessary to the story. This can make it easier for the reader to process and remember.
“Telling” instead of “showing”
The classic piece of writing advice. There is definitely a place for some telling, but showing is often preferable to ensure the reader feels grounded in the story.
Try to show details such as:
Emotions. Stating “I felt scared” isn’t nearly as impactful as describing the tremble of their knees and the churn of their stomach and the sweat on palms.
Descriptions. Rather than say “I smelt food” describe what kind of food — use scents and spices and flavours. Draw the reader in using the five senses.
Reactions. Show us people frowning, gasping, sighing, etc. to help build on the mood and develop the scene around the dialogue or action.
The point of showing is to bring the reader further into the scene and help them picture what is taking place so they can experience it alongside the character. If you’re relying on telling, then you’re losing that closeness with the reader and you may be undoing the emotional impact of your scenes.
Not playing with subtext
One way in which dialogue can often feel heavy handed is when everyone is saying exactly what they mean and really hammering home the emotion.
People don’t always say what we mean. Sometimes, you have to use subtext.
For example, if John is telling Wendy to run while he distracts a horde of zombies, there might be one of two things Wendy could say through heartbroken sobs.
Option 1: “Don’t leave me. I love you, John, I can’t go on without you if they kill you.”
Option 2: “You’d better come back to me.”
Now, sometimes saying what you mean is best, but sometimes, saying what you mean can feel stilted, cringey or unrealistic. Consider if there are passages in your book that may benefit from subtext.
Subtext can also be a good way of developing characters. For example, when Princess Leia tells Han Solo “I love you” when they think he’s about to die, he responds with “I know”. This was in keeping with his character but also said everything he meant without actually saying.
If you’re not sure if you’re balancing these elements in your book, then getting feedback on your writing may be the best way to find out and see how it’s being received. Reach out to beta readers and editors to get another perspective on your work.
If you’d like a professional pair of eyes on your manuscript to assess if your work is too heavy handed, my developmental editing offers in-depth feedback of the big picture elements of your book so you can see the specific areas that need work.
